Okay, I am going to be totally honest about my own messy, money-wild past.

I didn’t grow up in a Drake-style mansion with indoor waterfalls and voice-activated everything. I grew up in rented apartments in Toronto, bouncing between townhomes and shifting family setups like it was a competitive sport. By 20, I moved out on my own.

Four months later? Evicted. Because I couldn’t keep up with the rent.

Yeah. That kind of beginning.

And for years, I dragged that shame around like a Louis Vuitton bag filled with bricks. I thought I was just bad with money. That I was lazy. Undisciplined. Maybe even doomed.

But here’s the thing I wish someone had told me sooner: It wasn’t my fault. And it’s not yours either.

We Were Set Up to Fail

In school, nobody handed us budgeting tools, taught us how credit works, or explained taxes. Nope—we got algebra and crossed fingers that we’d magically “figure it out later.” (side note - I actually did my thesis project work back in 2012, on financial literacy among college students. I will write an article about it one day if I can convince myself to dig it out of my archives... but I am sure you can guess the results were abysmal!)

And, I grew up surrounded by first- and second-gen immigrant families, hard-working people trying to survive. In my neighborhood, saving for a down payment wasn’t part of the conversation. But having a Motorola pager or a fresh pair of Jordans? That meant you were doing something right… even if it also meant you were maybe dealing drugs to get there.

Let’s be honest, financial chaos was the norm. And when chaos is all you know, you start believing that’s your baseline.

You tell yourself things like:

• “I’ll always be in debt.”
  
• “I’ll never own a home.”
  
• “I’m just not the kind of person who gets ahead.”

And here’s where your beautiful brain comes into play: Your brain wants to prove your beliefs right. Every. Single. Time.

So when you believe you’ll always struggle financially? You will. But the reverse is true too... and that is where we need to be careful! (you can read an article I wrote previously about the power of belief here) This isn't woo-woo, it's legit neuroscience.

Your Brain Believes What You Tell It

People confuse hope with belief. It is not the same thing. Not at all. Hope won't get you sh*t. People hope they will win the lottery, and never do. People hope their money situation will just turn around on its own... like how???

In fact, let me show you the difference between hope and belief:

“I hope I get that raise.”

vs.

“I’m getting that raise.”

Feel the shift?

Hope is passive.

Belief is powerful.

This isn’t just self-help fluff—it’s neuroscience. Belief is a little bit of a chicken-and-egg situation though, which is what confuses people. Think about something you believe, you KNOW you are good at... got it? How do you KNOW? Because someone told you? Because you were rewarded in some way? Or, are you good at that thing because you believed you were?

Time and time again, I have seen parents tell their children that they were good at something when they were starting out and honestly, the kid wasn't good at all (think baseball, ballet, etc.)

But you know what happens?

That positive reinforcement gets into the brain and creates a neurological pathway that agrees... and when your brain agrees that you are good at something, guess what?

You do become good at that thing!

Now, this isn't magic. Obviously part of positively reinforcing the neuro pathway is practicing, and actively working to get better, but you would be a fool to think belief doesn't play a huge role.

And, I have also seen the case where someone who thought they might be good at something, was shattered by a non-verbal cue from their parent or coach or teacher.  All it takes is a sigh under the breath, a rolling of the eyes, a tension in the brow... and your brain is re-trained to believe you are NOT good at that thing.

Your non-verbal communication (tone, posture, facial expressions, tension) speaks louder than your words. And your nervous system listens very closely.

When your jaw tightens at the sight of your banking app, when your shoulders clench at the thought of budgeting, when you flinch before clicking “view balance”—your body is telling a story.

And your brain? It’s memorizing every chapter. And that is how belief plays into your money sitch'.

Money Trauma Lives in the Body

Even if your parents never said anything explicit about money, you absorbed their stress. Their tension. Their scarcity. Their silence.

So when you go to budget as an adult and suddenly feel sweaty, anxious, avoidant, impulsive, ashamed… that’s not random. That’s your nervous system going, “Hey, money = danger, remember?”

And it’s not just an emotional response. It’s neurobiological.

Here’s how that shows up:

• You overspend not because you’re reckless, but because buying = control and relief.
  
• You avoid bills because they feel like judgment.
  
• You freeze when budgeting because your prefrontal cortex (the planning part of your brain) shuts down under stress.

Sound familiar?

You’re not failing at budgeting. Your brain is just trying to protect you. Let that sink in.

Who Taught You About Money?

Seriously—pause for a second and think: Where did your beliefs about money come from?

Parents? Grandparents? A burned-out teacher? An internet influencer with a private jet and a suspicious crypto hustle?

Maybe you heard:

• “People like us don’t have savings accounts.”
  
• “You have to work twice as hard for half as much.”
  
• “Money is the root of all evil.”
  
• “Marry rich.”
  
• “Max it out and pay the minimum ‘til you die.” (Yes, someone actually told me that.)

And these messages? They stick. Whether they came from love, fear, or pure nonsense, they shaped how you feel about earning, saving, spending, and asking for more.

But here’s the good news: You can unlearn it.

Enter: The Belief Audit

Before you can budget like the legend you are, we need to figure out what you’re actually budgeting against. That’s where the Belief Audit comes in. The full belief audit will be released in my upcoming book and companion workbook, The Dopamine Budget™. But for now, here is a peek into the steps and something to get you started:

Step 1: Identify the Money Scripts You’re Running

Check off any of these that hit a little too close to home:

• “I suck at money.”
  
• “If I have extra, I better spend it before something bad happens.”
  
• “I can’t save. My brain doesn’t do delayed gratification.”
  
• “I don’t deserve nice things unless I’m exhausted.”
  
• “If I can’t do it perfectly, I won’t do it at all.”

Step 2: Interrogate the Belief

Pick one of those sneaky saboteurs and ask yourself:

• Where did I first hear this?
• What is this belief trying to protect me from?
  

Step 3: Reframe the Narrative

Use this formula:

“Instead of [old belief], I believe [new truth].”

Example: “Instead of ‘I suck at budgeting,’ I believe ‘I can budget in a way that works for my brain.’”

Step 4: Track the Triggers

Look for when those old beliefs tend to creep back in. Is it when you:

• Open your banking app?
  
• Hit a rough patch and want that dopamine purchase?

These aren’t failures. They’re just alerts from your brain saying, “I need care right now.”

This Budgeting and Belief Work Isn’t Easy—But It’s Worth It

So like I have said before, and you will see me say time and time again, if you don’t believe this process can help, it won’t. If you skip the reflection, nothing will shift. If you refuse to do the uncomfortable inner work, this journey isn’t your vibe. Yet.

But if you're still here? If you're feeling that flicker of maybe, of what if I’m not doomed, of what if I could actually do this? Then hell yes. Keep going.

I promise you this:

You’re not just reading another budgeting article.

You’re rewriting the story your brain has believed for decades.

And that? That’s awesome!

Over the next few weeks, I will be releasing excerpts from my new book, workbook, and course: The Dopamine Budget™. The book and companion workbook are expected to be published in Winter 2025/26 both in print and eBook versions on Amazon and on my own publishing website. The course will be in early 2026 and I might even have space to take on 2-3 clients for direct budgeting help!

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In the next post we will be covering:

• Budgeting strategies specifically tailored for your gloriously neurodivergent brain