When you think of a romance scam victim, what comes to mind? A lonely person in a faraway place who “should’ve known better”? Yeah, forget that image. The truth is, romance scammers are calculated, manipulative, and disturbingly good at what they do.

Romance scams are also known as catfishing scams, online dating scams, sweetheart scams, relationship investment scams, and financial grooming scams. It's kind of gross that it happens so often, all over the world, that we have THIS many names for it. Ugh!

And they often prey on people who are vulnerable... not because they're weak, but because they're isolated, deeply empathetic, and just want connection. If you’re neurodivergent or chronically ill, or dealing with low self-esteem, that may sound familiar.

• Maybe you’ve spent more time online than in traditional dating spaces.
• Maybe you crave connection in a world that often doesn’t make space for your brain, body, or needs.
• Maybe you’ve even second-guessed your instincts before, wondering if you’re being “too sensitive” or “too trusting.”

Let’s clear it up. You are not to blame. But you do deserve to be informed and protected!

What Is an Online Romance Scam?

A romance scam happens when someone pretends to be interested in a romantic relationship online with the ultimate goal of manipulating the other person into sending money, personal information, or sensitive photos. It often involves fake profiles, emotional manipulation, and long-term trust-building.

And it works.

In 2023 alone, Americans lost nearly $1.3 billion to romance scams, according to the FTC. That’s just what was reported. And believe me, most of it goes unreported because of the attached shame spiral.

Why Neurodivergent and Chronically Ill People May Be More At Risk

1. Social Isolation and Loneliness

According to multiple studies and reports from cybercrime agencies, social isolation is a key vulnerability factor for falling victim to online romance scams. Neurodivergent individuals (e.g., people with autism, ADHD) often report difficulties forming traditional relationships due to social communication differences, masking fatigue, or sensory sensitivities. Chronically ill individuals may experience mobility limitations, immune-related isolation, or reduced participation in social circles, especially in the wake of COVID-19.

What this means: Scam victims aren’t “desperate”. They’re often isolated, which scammers exploit by offering connection, validation, and attention.

2. Increased Use of Online Spaces

Both neurodivergent and chronically ill individuals often rely more heavily on online platforms, whether for dating, friendship, or support groups, than the general population. These platforms are prime hunting grounds for romance scammers, who use fake profiles to build trust over time. Scammers deliberately target users who are active in support groups or who list disabilities, chronic conditions, or neurodivergence in their bios.

3. Rejection Sensitivity and Emotional Intensity

Many neurodivergent individuals (especially those with ADHD or autism) experience rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD)   or trauma from past social exclusion. Similarly, chronically ill individuals may feel “undesirable” or invisible in the traditional dating scene.

Scammers often:

• Love-bomb victims early on (flattery, attention, intensity)
• Mirror victims' interests or identities
• Exploit unmet emotional needs and trauma

4. Executive Dysfunction & Impulsivity

People with ADHD, for example, may experience:

• Impulsivity in emotional responses or financial decisions
• Difficulty with delayed gratification, leading to quick trust
• Trouble identifying red flags if masked behind emotional appeals

These traits don’t cause victimization, but can increase susceptibility to manipulation... especially when paired with well-scripted emotional stories from scammers. That can lead to sending money, gift cards, or photos too fast, even when they wouldn’t normally.

5. Masking and Difficulty Detecting Deception

Autistic people may mask or miss subtle social red flags. Many have been gaslit or manipulated before and are conditioned to doubt their gut instinct. Scammers use that to their advantage.

What Romance Scams Look Like

• They fall in love fast
  
• They say they’re overseas or “working on a rig” or in the military
  
• They ask for help with “emergencies” or plane tickets
• They often have "trouble with their bank account" because they are "overseas"
  
• They avoid video calls or meeting in person
  
• They push for private communication (WhatsApp, Signal, etc.)
  
• They seem too good to be true

How to Protect Yourself

1. Verify, then trust

• Reverse-image search their photos. I cannot emphasize this more... REVERSE-IMAGE SEARCH!!! Once scammers find out a particular person's photo is working, they use it. Over and Over and Over again. Thousands of people get scammed by the same photos. And now with AI... it is going to get tougher.
• Google their exact job title, name, and phrases from their messages.

2. Slow things down

• Scammers love urgency.
• Real people don’t push that hard that fast... I mean especially men. Let's be real here... most men aren't dying to fall in love right away with a random woman they just met. This is going to sound harsh, but like... really think about it, are you that special? I'm sorry, I know, it isn't nice. But like, some people just need a wake-up call. Your situation isn't special, this isn't once-in-a-lifetime-romance. You are being scammed. Save yourself now.

3. Talk to someone you trust

• Have a friend or support group double-check messages or profiles.
• If it feels off, it probably is. And yes, friends and family might just be jealous of a new fun romance... but if you love these people, and you know they love you and wouldn't ever want to hurt you... really consider what they are saying.

4. Use dating platforms that verify identities. Look for:

• Video verification,
• Two-factor login, or
• Moderation tools.

5. Protect your finances and personal data. Never send the following to to someone you haven’t met in person:

• Money,
• Passwords, or
• ID information

And because I love my audience, here’s a quick-reference checklist to protect yourself and your community from online romance scams.

Print it, save it, share it.

SCAM-PROOF CHECKLIST

Am I Being Scammed? Ask Yourself:

✅ Do they love-bomb me within days of meeting?

✅ Do they avoid video chats or in-person meetings?

✅ Do they have a tragic story (widowed, military, etc.)?

✅ Do they ask for money or gift cards?

✅ Do they want to switch to private apps quickly?

✅ Is their profile photo too perfect? (Model vibes, uniform, etc.)

✅ Do they mirror my interests or trauma a little too exactly?

✅ Do they push for urgency or secrecy?

✅ Does their story change slightly over time?

✅ Have I reverse-image searched their profile photo?

If you check two or more, pause. Talk to someone you trust. Run, don’t walk.

If someone suspects they’re being targeted or have already been victimized by an online romance scam,

there are legitimate resources available for help, support, and reporting. Here’s where to turn:

Report the Scam

United States

FTC (Federal Trade Commission): They collect reports and use them to track scam trends and warn others.

ReportFraud.ftc.gov

FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3): Especially useful if you've lost money or shared sensitive information.

ic3.gov

Canada

Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre (CAFC): You can file reports and get resources in both English and French.

antifraudcentre-centreantifraude.ca

United Kingdom

Action Fraud (National Fraud & Cyber Crime Reporting Centre): They offer 24/7 support and forward cases to the National Fraud Intelligence Bureau.

actionfraud.police.uk

Contact Your Bank or Payment Provider Immediately

If you've sent money, contact your bank, credit card company, or payment service (e.g., PayPal, Western Union) as soon as possible. They may be able to reverse charges or flag suspicious activity.

Protect Your Identity

If you shared personal info (passport, address, ID, etc.), contact:

• Identity theft protection services
  
• Your local credit bureau to freeze or monitor credit activity
  
• Your country’s consumer protection agency

Get Emotional and Mental Health Support

Being scammed can feel devastating, humiliating, and isolating... but you’re not alone, and you are not to blame.

Support can help:

• Cyber Civil Rights Initiative (CCRI) – for image-based abuse or sextortion cybercivilrights.org
  
• Mental health professionals who specialize in trauma or betrayal recovery
  
• Support groups (e.g., Reddit’s r/Scams, Facebook groups for scam recovery)

Educate and Empower Yourself

• Scamwatch (Australia): scamwatch.gov.au
  
• RomanceScams.org – nonprofit dedicated to awareness and recovery: romancescams.org
  
• Scamalytics – helps verify dating profiles and educate users: scamalytics.com

Being neurodivergent or chronically ill doesn’t necessarily make you a target, it just

means you navigate a world that’s often designed without you in mind... and scammers know that.

They prey on what makes you amazing: your empathy, your openness, your need for connection.

You deserve love. You deserve safety. You deserve relationships that don’t come with manipulation or money requests.

You are not the problem. But you can be part of the solution.

Stay informed, support others, and protect your beautiful brain and big heart from those who would exploit them!